snackable

 Firstly I'd like to say, it's incredible reading my previous posts here. I had so many beautiful ideas and expressed them clearly. 19 and 20 year old me was smart. A lot of time has passed since my previous posts. I went to officer school, spent time in a new campaign, then started my role as team leader. Then after about 2 months, 7.10 came along and I spent a year as the head of my team in a war.  I should write about 7.10 at some point. For now: I woke up to phone calls at 3 am. Hopped over to the base at 4~, got back home at 5~. Woke up to missiles again at ~6. Then insanity ensued. https://www.mako.co.il/news-military/2024_q2/Article-aa99ed3cb3c1091027.htm?utm_source=AndroidNews12&utm_medium=Share At this point I basically made a decision. I'm going full throttle until the gas tank empties. Then I'm gone. And I followed through with that idea. The most interesting thing I realized is I absolutely hate doing this because I have to, and I have an extreme amount ...

Oct 22  I got a tattoo. It symbolizes a lot for me. Roll the dice. Some things we cannot control. We can only control how we interpret and react. I have mixed feelings about my tattoo. I went forward with an irreversible action, and immediately after I felt regret. It isn't perfect. It doesn't feel how I wanted it to feel. It's too exposed. It looks childish.  And yet sometimes, when I look at it, it feels right. It isn't trying to be real. It's a drawing. An interpretation of the idea. And it's right there, at the palm of my hand, ready to roll the dice. On some level, the fact that I need to let go and stop trying to control my feelings about the tattoo, is liberating. I feel like it's an important lesson in of itself.  But sometimes I feel like I need that control back. I need to get it removed. I don't want anyone to see it. I'm afraid.