Pride

 It's difficult for me to be proud of myself professionally. I enjoy what I do, I think it's important - but I don't feel worthy when I think about M' and the Kernel savvy folks I get to work around.

I've never felt drawn to the subject. I don't particularly enjoy low level programming of any sort, reversing, exploiting, etc. I enjoy networks and Python, Clean Code, webdev, all that. Even though these are valuable skills, I still feel like they just aren't as appreciated. Why is that? 

Are research and low-level inherently more difficult than development and Opera? Or is it a question of accessibility - those that break the barrier get the glory? 

I think I need to decide that I am worthy, I do things that are important and no one else could do. But I can't convince myself that is true. The reason for this is the quantification issue. When someone has a certain skill that is rare, it is inherently more impressive. - because it's difficult to quantify the skill of holding state,  managing a lot of things at once, being knowledgeable about an array of things. And there are other valuable traits too - motivating others, for example, is huge. Being a team player. Trying to better the way we do things now, instead of making new things entirely.

So this is why I need to be proud. I create value. I need to recognize it. Maybe if others do it would be easier.

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